Colorado Technical University

how did you prepare your children for a new adopted child?

im a established 27 yr old single mom. i spent years working for a corporation before i decided to return to college and obtain another degree. im almost finished with school and will begin a new career in education.i have a 6 yr old daughter and i do desire to have more children. i wanted them to be biological but only if i was to marry again.ive decided though that i may adopt, whether i marry again or not since being married is not a requirement to being a adoptive parent and the fact that there are so many children who deserve a loving home.i mentioned this fact to my daughter just to test the waters and she told me flat out "no". she stated that she wanted to be an only child and would not be happy if had another child, biologically or adopted. i know she's only 6 but she would be a huge part of my decision to begin the process of adoption. if i dont think she will be 100% comfortable with this, i wont do it. so to the adoptive parents here, how did you prepare your children for this process? was it hard? did you consider your children's opinion during the adoption process?

Public Comments

1. It sounds like she's very confident. With a 6 year old, she might not understand the concept so much of another child. Ask her if she wants you to have another baby or adopt, and she'll say no. Ask her if she wants a little sister or brother, and she'd probably name one or the other. Very few children below the age of 12 get to help decide if their parents have another child. Even my 18 year old said "no way!!!!!", then the day I brought his brother home from the hospital, it's his favorite (not to mention only) little brother.
2. Do not adopt if your bio child doesn't want it. Sure - all children get there nose out of joint when siblings come along - but an adoptee already feels the pressure of being a stranger in a household - and extremely scared of being rejected all over again. Do not push this. An adoptee does not want to be dragged into a storm - when they've already had a tough start to life. They need a family that is COMPLETELY accepting - and will love them UNCONDITIONALLY. If you push this - you're essentially filling your needs - instead of thinking about what's absolutely best for the adoptee.