Colorado Technical University

any pointers on my admission statement for college?

I believe that in the book of success, the first chapter is determination. To succeed in business it is essential that you possess determination, ambition, and passion. Unfortunately, I did not always feel this was. While I was a high school student, I could not decide exactly what I wanted as a career. I really enjoyed music and as such that’s what I thought I was going to do with my life; I didn’t know what exactly what but I knew it would involve music. My friends in high school weren’t much different from me; they too were undecided. My parents divorced while I was in high school and my mom moved us into the suburbs. It was my senior year and I was the new kid in school. I don't think there is anything worse than enrolling in a new school the year before you graduate. This wasn’t the first time I had moved to a different town and a different school, so I knew what to expect. The problem this time was that it was my last year of high school and my fellow students had formed cliques and groups they belonged to so I did not know how I would be accepted. Luckily, being the extrovert I am, it wasn’t really difficult to make friends. After getting to know my new class mates, and talking to some of the other students about their plans after high school, it got me thinking about my own future. I soon realized that I really had no plan after college. Music just wasn’t a strong enough pull, I wasn't sure that it was really what I wanted to do. I was confused and frustrated. To make things worse, I realized that my grades weren’t as good as they could have been and that I could have done much better but I was just so focused on everything other than school. I attended community college after graduating but still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. It was not until I took some business courses that I realized that I actually enjoyed those classes. My business teachers helped me see that I excelled in the business and I really enjoyed learning business fundamentals and principles. I’ve always enjoyed math and found that my favorite class was accounting. I really understand it and I especially enjoy it because of the challenge. Once I realized what I wanted to do with my life, I got my act together and I began working hard to earn good grades. Now I am extremely focused on getting my accounting degree and getting my career started after graduating from the University of Illinois. I am determined to expand on my achievements and I need further education to assist my knowledge and development; furthering my ability to make a worthwhile contribution to both myself and my future employers. To do this I need and request that my application be accepted by the University of Illinois' College of Business Administration.

Public Comments

1. "Unfortunately, I did not always feel this** was.**" <-- should be 'way' "; I didn’t know what exactly what but I knew it would involve music" <-- should be "I didn't know what, exactly, but I knew it would involve music." Other than those grammatical errors, it was a good essay. A little weak, and the whole "poor me, I was the new kid" thing, is pretty irrelevant to your future in accounting. It sounds like you're making an excuse for having poor grades, which, counter-productively shifts the focus to the grades.