Colorado Technical University

Can someone check my paragraph (first ever college assignment o.O)?

As the title says, could someone give me a hand here? The topic we had to write about was an event/choice that led us on a certain path/changed us in some way, and why the event put us on the path or changed us. “I want to be an astronaut,” the naïve child says, with variations on the same theme of policeman aspirations and the like. The superhero career desire tends to fade as the child gets older though, for cold realities of not being smart enough or curious enough tell the child their goal is just a pipe dream. For me, I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut, but I’ve become increasingly aware that to do so requires you to have the “the right stuff” as author Tom Wolfe put it. Having taken math classes as all students must do, I became acutely aware that I was not as adept as some of my classmates, and started down the self-destructive path by thinking, “Well, I could never have solved that problem.” Thus sprouted the idea in my head that smarts were inborn—in terms of intelligence, Nature would always win out over Nurture, and unfortunately for myself, I wouldn’t be smart enough to qualify for space programs. This sort of unchangeable destiny for mediocrity-thinking peaked in my freshman year of high school, when I had to take Honors Geometry. I struggled where my seatmates did not, and scored lower on tests even after rigorous studying (my seatmates would continually score higher with less studying). I felt stuck, and even jealous of classmates who had no desire to be “up there” but who had all those qualities needed to do so. At one point, during some dreadful studying session, I remarked to my teacher that it was only possible to raise your IQ by five points during your lifetime, which in essence meant you could never become a genius if you weren’t already born one. And then, despite being one of the school’s most hated teachers, he went on to explain to me that IQ tests didn’t account for the very important aspect of human potential. He said that anyone could be quick at math like the savants of the class by simply training your mind to think certain ways. He said that somebody with an IQ of over 150 could end up being stupider than someone with an IQ of 120, depending on how each potentials’ were explored. Needless to say, this meant that if I wanted to, I could be space-faring scientist, just as one could be a writer, a musician, or an engineer. It’s been said that if you think you can do something, chances are you will be better able to than if you told yourself you couldn’t. How that really works in terms of chemicals and neurons in your brain, I don’t know, but it definitely worked. I can’t say if this event enabled me to be the astronaut, for I haven’t even finished school yet, but I can be certain that it put me on the path to being able to do whatever I wanted to do, and to not settle for less when there’s nothing stopping you from living the dream.

Public Comments

1. Since I'm not an English major, I can't speak for spelling, punctuation, or grammar; however, I really enjoyed reading your work. I believe your professor will, too. Good luck to you!