Colorado Technical University

Why Does Nothing Ever Go as Planned? Lifes a Bitch Than You Die, so gone and Get High Cus you Never Know When?

I am 23 years old getting my life started and the greatest lesson i've learn so far is that my life sucks. Where to start. I personally think i was doomed from the start or maybe i just being negative right now because im so depressed. At age 18 senior year in college my grades were never that great i had like a C avg. I was smart but my whole life i moved around so school bored me. Only joy i ever really got was from smoking weed and hanging out. It gave me a liberation from the social phobia i suffer from. Dealing with always being judged and scared to say this or that because of other peoples opinions really took a toll on me. I guess i defined myself by others interpretations of me. Always dressed nice and etc but none of that matters. Lol i always wanted to be a rapper though maybe i should of stuck with that, got to do some shows and record a little bit but during my first year in college i focused so much on that i became delusional. I spent my freshman year in my apt smoking weed and writing raps. I was scared to go to class because i hated walking by people or people stopping to talk to me. Granted i was popular because i am handsome i guess and me and my friends won the college talent show but still it bothered me doing small talk, it seem so fake and pointless. So i flunked out of college my first year. Sad thing about it was i never really partied crazy and the work wasnt anything too much for me it was just i was scared of society and what it thinks of me, so i stayed in my apt. On my way back home i get into a car accident which my car flips 3times and my bestfriend at the time flys out the window. I made it out alive without a scratch on me. I owed it all to "God" because i said "Lord Please Protect Me" right before the collusion. I was so shook and superstitious of what happen that i didnt even bother trying to get any money out of the accident. I was just happy my friend and I were still alive, he's probably still sitting on checks till this day. Me on the other hand is a different story. So i get back home and i do this rapping thing full time and go to school part time staying with my parents. Everything was going well i hooked up with some people and we formed a record label did some shows and met some celebs it was pretty cool. I met the love of my life during that time also and of course i was smoking weed but idk seems like everything was going smooth. I was comfortable with the community college there and was making Great Grades 3.4 avg. I even transferred schools to a sister college of a university i wanted to attend. Than while i was going to school there my mom wanted me to get a full time job and go to school. I wasn't able to juggle both. Plus the job was me working with the handy cap and i didnt feel comfortable being the only blk person there. Either way my grades fell horrible and i lose the job because i would show up late trying to scram study time and homework before my shift. I was 19 going on 20 during the time and my moms told me I would have to join the military because i was too old to live with her any longer and i needed to make it on my own. So i ended up joining to the Air Force even though i prayed and prayed and prayed that it was the right decession and for the Lords protection. Odd thing is it was 06/06/06 when i first went to the MEPs to be processed in. Spooked me a little. lol either way i got in the Air Force wen through basic barely, the 6wks that felt like 6months in jail. During that time i was healthy and fit, also smarter due to the technical training i received for my chosen career field of computer science. My reading comperhension jumped incredibly i read 30 books in 6months once i reached my first Duty Station. I-Nosc East. They sent me to the most important network security center in the cyber world of the Air Force. I took it for granted maybe it was due to my lack of training and computer literacy. I was basically the phone secretary there. When i arrived in 2007 i was told i would be placed and trained in Boundary Protection/FireWall Network Security. When i left in 2008 i was still answering phones as a secretary and knew just as much as i knew when i arrived it was a dissappointment. I felt like they wanted me to fail while i was there, We had these things called Career Development Courses, i had 7 books and the avg person usually fails them when they take their end of course test. Well when i got there everyone who was around my rank failed besides 1 person. But i was told if I failed mines i would be degraded from my careerfield and placed as a cook?!?! Even though my fellow airmen at the time were going on their 3turns trying to pass these test. Needless to say i passed mine with an 88, i was proud of myself but i was alone on that one. I was told it wasnt good enough because the airman before me got a 98. Funny when i was told for the past year it didnt matter what i scored aslong as i passed. Anyway I was free from my CDCs and I was rea

Public Comments

1. first off, no one wants to read all that on yahoo answers, go do a blog on live journal or something, second you've pretty much figured it out so I don't know what the question is...life does suck. Adulthood especially sucks. But you get tossed a bone every once in awhile, and that bone is delicious.
2. Since you screw everything up if you plan to succeed and nothing works, then plan to fail. If you succeed at that, with your luck, you'll probably end up getting what you wanted when you planned to succeed.
3. let me tell you... i know how you feel! what can i say; nice guys finish last!!!!!!!
4. not to sound like a bitc* but i cant believe your complaining about your fu**ed up life because its really not that bad at all my bestfriend is 16 and would die to get and education but her alcoholic mother wont enroll her in school due to the facts that she has about 3 warrant out for her arrest so she had no choice but to sit at home all day and get beat by her stepdad who just gotten out of prison 1 1/2 years ago for murder her mother also took her 600 miles away to live with her brother that she never ment her mom told her she was going to rehab but here to find out she took a bus back to pa my friend lived with her brother for a total of 6 months and every night she called me crying because her brother treated her like sh*t..after 6 months of that i got the money to get her a plane ticket back here she also suffers depression but i never here her fuc*ing complain
5. I feel the same way as you do . Everyday I look at my self and wounder " is my life worth living?" Ever sense i was depress i became more realistic about life and how things work around me. I started observing all the bad things that happen to me compared to all the good. While doing so I created conclusions about my situation and the outcomes. Psychologically, life has to be worth living, you can't just pointlessly continue if you don't see anyway life will become better for you. The reality is that the only one that can help you in this depression is yourself. Listen, I've been depress for 4 year now trying to solve my problem , and i must say i'm close to solving them. However, after wasting so much time fighting in this depression , i wasted important time that could of made a difference in my life. Even if I solve my problem and put my self back to place as I was suppose to be, the opportunities are gone now. You and me have been throught depress, you and i know that a depression can make you stronger ( mentally and more logical as you come out of it) or kill you . Like i said , you can only help yourself, because you are the only one that understand herself. Don't listen to a butch of idiots who tell you that taking drug to mass the psychological pain, it isn't a good idea. You will only be living a lie and will be apart of a addiction that will drain you of money and will only destroy you in the end. The only one that can find the answers is you.