Colorado Technical University

How to deal with adult jealous sibling?

I have an older sister (6 years older) who I do not get along with at all. In public situations she makes fun of me in any way she can think of whether it be I accidentally spill something or say something that might not be quite right or my shirt is slightly wrinkled. I have been putting up with this for years and I think I have had enough. My one sibling says that they notices it and so do my other siblings and other extended family and they think she is jealous of me. She is morbidly obese, I am normal weight. She did not do well in postsecondary education and has a low paying job. I have a diploma and have a good paying job. Our house is nicer; hers is run down. But, there are things that she has that I would like such as supportive in-laws, outgoing personality, ect.. but I do not feel jealous of her. I am happy for her for these things and when something good happens I always congratulate her and show interest. With me though, if something good happens she either doesn't acknowledge it or says something rude with the congrats. I get along with my other siblings well and none of my other siblings have issues with her. What can I do? I'm in my late 20s and she is in her 30s. I do not want this to go on forever. It makes social situations feel weird too.

Public Comments

1. Well, i think the best thing you can do is confront her about it. Tell her that you are adults and she shouldn't be acting like a child. She will probably just get mad if you tell her that you think she's jealous of you though, so thats not a very good idea. Try complimenting her so she doesnt feel so bad all the time.
2. Don't acknowledge her snide digs at you and they're going to carry less weight as time goes on. I've got a similar situation at work with my sister in law so I just stopped talking to her and it's driving her nuts. She's one of these people that even if she's wrong, she's right and once she's made her mind up not a damn thing in the world is going to change it. Plus she's always got an opinion on everything and yours is always wrong. Sometimes the best revenge is just ignoring someone. They're going to wonder why they can't get to you and be pissed they can't make you mad. Good luck!
3. It sounds like the issue is with her, not with you. Some people are just hard to get along with. Any overtures you make toward her are just going to be met with more hostility. Until she gets her own life on track, she will always be looking at the greener grass on your side of the fence and envy it. In a perfect world you would be able to confront her, point out her unacceptable behavior, and improve your relationship. In reality though, this will most likely end up being a major blow out that will involve your whole family because people with the personality you describe thrive on the conflict and drama. Edit: I agree with Simon R. Like any typical bully, the minute your sister realizes she no longer has the ability to get to you, any sense of power or justification she derived from tormenting you disappears. It truly will drive her nuts. Especially if any negative comments from her are just met with a smile from you, and then you go back to what you were talking about.