Colorado Technical University

How do you NOT CARE what other people think about you?

I have some problems....... Im from a culture where education is very very important, where its ideal to be married by 24, and where families secrelty argue about who has the better kid i.e. in terms of education, wealth and power, popularity etc. Problem is, i am the complete opposite of what this culture expects from me. Im 24, going back to university, have absoultely no interest in getting married until i am settled in my career, - ill be 29 then. and their idea of marriage is to "find" someone. I HATE THIS IDEA. Your supposed to fall in love, and go through all these stages.. its supposed to be natural, like destiny? I dont have much confidence and im having a really hard time not caring about what other people think about my situation, i always feel like i have to lie about where i am in life (ie, i work for a big corporation) - which makes me feel worse. (And to top it all off my younger brother is really going places, big salary, lots of friends etc.. i hate to be jealous..) Please help? :( where'd the other answer go =/

Public Comments

1. you have to get to the point where you realize that it's not worth the time and energy that it takes to care about what others think of you and want you to be. set your own goals and work to accomplish them. if your family or friends offer their opinion just listen but don't let it affect you negatively. and remember that you are your own person and that no two people are alike. the way your life goes is up to you.
2. It IS difficult when you're out of step with your culture. There's no way not to care about what other people think - we all do, to some extent, and it's part of being human - but there are ways you can make this just a small part of how you feel, rather than something overwhelming. The bit you might try to hang onto is that ultimately, on your deathbed, no-one ever says "I wish I'd done what other people wanted more". On the contrary, the feeling is far more "I wish I'd realised that my whole task in life was to be myself". There ARE other people like you - just not around you now. You'll find them, in time. Meanwhile - ask yourself if you really want to be like your younger brother. If - as I hope - the answer is no, then there is nothing to be jealous of. All that 'success' stuff may or may not suit him, but it certainly doesn't suit you. Ultimately, if you feel you have to lie about yourself, I might wonder if you don't perhaps feel bad about yourself and unsure of your life choices. And yet, something very strong in you has made those decisions. Imagine that strong and certain part - the part that has a real sense of who and what you want to be - just gently soothing and caring for the part that's full of doubt and uncertainty. That less certain part is going to go on finding it hard when other people clearly see you as having failed to fulfil expectations, but the strong and certain part really does know that what you're doing is right - let it take charge. You don't have to apologise to anyone for being different - they are all 'sheep' and you are something special. I can't pretend there are easy ways to manage this situation, but finding friends who share your situation and attitudes will go a very long way to help. That's where it's worth putting your energy - finding those people.